Slack Theory of Venison Production

Overall, the model that would accurately represent deer movement would have to be extremely complex. One guy writes a book on lunar influences, another on weather, another on hunting pressure. All together, it ends up being a mess.

My read on it is much easier--what I call "The Slack Theory." Deer gravitate towards slack the same way humans do. If you're hungry, you go get a burger and fries and a side of slack. Then you feel tired, so you go home and lay on the couch to get some more slack. A while later, you're cold, so you go get a sweater and some slack. Your roommate comes home with some girls and wants to party, but you want peace and quiet so you go to the Coffee House for a large Mocha-slack and some peace, but there's a hot chick there who makes you steam, so you go search for slack over by her. She and you get to talking and you're both in need of something to eat, so you go looking for a pizza and a large slack. . .

You put yourself between the deer and his next ration of slack, and you've got venison.

The Slack Theory of Deer Behavior and Venison Production-- you heard it here first.